Listening Lovers January 2026

Kinks & Fetishes

To submit your questions and thoughts please submit an email to info@ftloi.net 

What’s the most talked-about kink and fetish this month?

 What does it mean to have a humiliation kink/fetish?

Just as in life, each person is unique. While we might share certain aspects like style, favorite foods, or hobbies such as crafts or games, you may find you have few or no similarities with others. Kinks and fetishes are no different—everyone has their own preferences. Some people are interested in things like spanking, wax play, BDSM, or even ... sexual humiliation. Humiliation is a kink and/or fetish where someone becomes sexually aroused by being humiliated, degraded, embarrassed, or even shamed by their partner(s) or others.

Now, you may be wondering, why would someone want to be humiliated? There are tons of reasons why someone might be into a humiliation kink. Many people enjoy how it plays with their mind, connecting the feelings of being humiliated with the pleasure they get from sex. Some also really like the power dynamics involved and experiencing a moment where they're not in control. Being told what to do can be a huge release, bringing out all sorts of emotions from pleasure to pain, whether emotional or physical, and feelings like happiness, sadness, embarrassment, or even powerlessness.

Humiliation play is a unique experience for everyone, and how someone wants to be humiliated can vary a lot. Verbal humiliation might involve calling someone "a filthy slut" or teasing them about their insecurities. It's super important to talk with your partner(s) first about what’s okay to say so you don’t accidentally hurt them. Then there's physical humiliation, which can involve all sorts of actions. This might include being used as furniture, eating from a pet bowl, or working out in the nude. It could also mean getting peed on or having words like "worthless" written on you. If you're writing stuff, make sure it’s in spots that aren’t visible to others unless you're in a place where it's been clearly established that’s okay. Always make sure everyone’s on board before doing anything in public, especially public humiliation. This could mean wearing a butt plug, a chastity cage, or even looking like you’ve wet your pants. These activities can be thrilling because it’s a secret shared just between you and your partner(s), adding a layer of vulnerability and exposure. For something more private, you can use a mirror to feel like you’re being "watched" or "exposed," or record it to watch later. Some people like to stream online for that feeling of being humiliated in front of strangers, or they might roleplay streaming to get that feeling without actually going live.

Before engaging in humiliation play, it's essential to discuss boundaries and rules with everyone involved. What kind of comments are acceptable? Which phrases should be avoided? What activities are off-limits? When exploring kinks and fetishes that affect the mind, not just the body, having a conversation beforehand is crucial, and agreeing on a safe word is imperative. Some people might only want a touch of humiliation, while others might want to be humiliated until they are in tears. People can respond in various ways, and that's completely normal. Some might freeze, go silent, or even resist and try to change the situation. These reactions are all normal, so be prepared for anything. Always check in afterward to see how your partner(s) are feeling.

Exploring a humiliation kink can be an exciting and emotional journey. Everyone has their own perspective and may want to experience different things. It's a fun and interesting way to alter power dynamics and step outside your usual mindset to experience something different. Before engaging in humiliation play, it's important to communicate with your partner(s) and establish clear boundaries and guidelines, such as acceptable types of comments. Humiliation can be verbal, physical, or even public. It can range from harsh words to wearing discreet items like butt plugs or chastity cages in public. There is no one way or best way to a humiliation kink other than just to learn what you or your partner(s) enjoy most about it.

Sasha Says

To submit your questions and thoughts please submit an email to info@ftloi.net 

This month’s top question from you!   

What is the best sex toy?

Are you thinking about getting a new sex toy? Maybe it's your first time and you're feeling a bit overwhelmed by all the choices? That's totally normal and even expected. Often times when people hear "sex toys" they automatically think of vibrators or dildos, but why stop there? Toys can be used for all kinds of fun, giving you wide range of different sensations and stimulation. Looking for a vibrating stroker? A rotating dildo? How about nipple clamps or candles for wax play? A blindfold? Maybe a glass butt plug? It feels like there are new options popping up every day with sex toys. They all offer something unique, but there's got to be one that does it all and gives you the best orgasm, right?

While I wish I could just tell you to grab a specific toy because it's the best and will give you the best orgasm ever, but I can't do that. We're all unique and what works for one person might not work for another. Just because someone else swears by a toy doesn't mean you'll feel the same way. Finding the "best toy" is all about discovering what works for you. It might take a bit of experimenting to figure that out. You'll need to try different things, see what you like, and what doesn't do it for you. Do you prefer intense or gentle settings? How about the material of the toy? Finding the "best toy" is really about going on a journey of self-discovery to see what fits you personally.

When you're picking out a new toy, there are a few things to think about. Are you into features like vibration, suction, air pulsation, or rotation? Should it be rechargeable, plug-in, or run on batteries? Do you have a favorite material like glass, silicone, or TPE? These are all things to consider when you're choosing a new toy. Most importantly, does it catch your interest? Do you think it would be fun to use? Finding what works for you and gives you the most pleasure is all about trying different things. The only way to see if you like something new is to give it a shot. Remember, even if a new toy seems thrilling, it might not be as fun or satisfying as you thought. Sometimes, you bring a toy home, try it out, and realize it's not really your thing. Maybe you picked it for a certain sensation but found out it's not something you enjoyed or want to try again. Pay attention to what you liked and didn’t like, as this will help you make better choices next time.

To sum up, thinking about getting a new sex toy can be overwhelming, especially with so many options. While vibrators and dildos are common, there are countless other toys that offer unique sensations. Finding the right toy is a personal journey of self-discovery that involves experimenting with different sensations, materials, and features. Consider what excites YOU personally. The key is to try different things, see what works for you, and learn from the experience. Even if a toy seems exciting, it might not be as satisfying as expected, but each experience helps refine your preferences for next time.

We hope to help you and your partner(s) learn, grow, and enjoy together. Please submit your questions and we would love to be able to help answer them! Check back next month to see if others are wondering the same.

XOXO~Sasha