Listening Lovers November 2025

Kinks & Fetishes

To submit your questions and thoughts please submit an email to info@ftloi.net 

What’s the most talked-about kink and fetish this month?

What does it mean to engage in anonymous sex?

Do you enjoy surprises? Do you relish the excitement of not knowing what's happening next? Some people are drawn to the thrill of surprise, which sometimes extends into their sex lives. This surprise could be anything, like wearing a blindfold or trying out a new sex toy. However some also find pleasure in new and surprising experiences like anonymous sex.

As the name might suggest, this kink/fetish is about having sex anonymously. Anonymous sex includes participating in sexual activities with someone you barely know (if at all) like a person you met at a bar, a partner at a sex party, or a connection made through a website or app. Some people aren't drawn to the thought of being intimate with someone new and unfamiliar, or the possibility of never seeing them again. For others however, it's the most thrilling and enjoyable experience possible.

You may be wondering why someone might want to participate in anonymous sex. Well one popular reason people like to to engage in anonymous sex is the excitement of the "new". We as humans are often excited by new and variety, sex being no exception. Having sex with a totally new person brings with them all new sensations, new moves and touches, new scents, and so many more new variables to light up our desire for novelty. Another reason many are interested anonymous sex is the thrill of risk and uncertainty. How will this stranger engage with you? Do they like it rough or gentle? What's their name? What are their interests? The truth is, you might meet this stranger briefly, decide to have sex, and never see each other again—no strings attached—which is exactly what some people want. No relationship, no deep emotions, just pleasure and then moving on. Now you may be thinking anonymous sex sounds like it could be dangerous. What if they're a serial killer?! The what if's, the potential threats, the possible dangerous situations that could happen are sometimes exactly what people want to experience in these situations. This is not to say they are craving harm or danger but just the thought and associated thrill that it could be.

Even though the new, and potential risks are a part of the excitement there are certain risks you should address beforehand, whether you're strangers or not. This includes discussions about STDs and STIs. It might not be the most exciting topic, but it's important because it can impact your long-term health. Even if someone claims to be free of STDs and STIs and has recently been tested, it's still a smart idea to use protection like condoms and/or dental dams. Sometimes these types of infections don't show symptoms, yet they can still be transmitted. It's also very important to discuss boundaries once you have made the decisions to have sex with someone, especially someone new. Talk about each others expectations, what's acceptable and what's not. Respecting each other's boundaries is important whether you know the person or not.

To mitigate some of the risk, sometimes people like to connect with others briefly first such as on an online platform. You might think meeting someone online and then agreeing to meet for sex isn't truly anonymous, but it can be. Sometimes those who engage in this particular type of encounter through online platforms often have short conversations before deciding when and where to meet. What they might not do is share their names or any personal details; it's simply about whether they want to have sex or not. If not, they likely move on to the next person. Another scenario could be you go to a party and everyone is wearing some type of disguise or face covering like costumes, masks or even hoods. When in attendance of one of these events people often go off with one another into their own space and have sex there while still being in their disguise attire. Often times in these scenarios you may know one or many people attending the event, but just as likely not. General rules are typically established before hand, but it is still important to have those other conversations.

Anonymous sex can be an unexpectedly enjoyable and exciting experience. When arranging any encounter, especially an anonymous one, it's essential to discuss details in advance. At the very least address your boundaries as well as each others current STD and STI status. There is no such thing as asking too many questions. What type of encounter is this? Is it more sensual? Is it rough? What is each partner's current STD or STI status? What things are off-limits? Boundaries are vital for ensuring each person's physical and mental safety. The thrill of the unknown, the element of surprise, and the lack of obligation to follow up are often main attractions for many who engage in this type of kink or fetish. So, what do you think? Would you consider anonymous sex?

Sasha Says

To submit your questions and thoughts please submit an email to info@ftloi.net 

This month’s top question from you!   

What's the best way to ask my partner to try out a new "kinky" activity?

We are all unique, not just in our everyday lives, but also in the bedroom. Each person has different sexual preferences, making every experience unique. Some enjoy it soft and sensual, while others might prefer something a bit more intense. Some people are into activities like wax play, roleplay, impact play, or simply straightforward sex without any embellishments. If you want to explore a new sexual activity with your partner(s) and feel nervous about discussing it, that's completely normal.

When you first think about trying something new with your partner(s), it can feel pretty daunting to even figure out how to bring it up. You might worry about their reaction—what if they say no? What if they think it's strange? What if they think I'm strange? It's totally normal to feel this way, but if you really care about this person, quirks and all, maybe it's worth giving them some credit and trust.

Now, you may be thinking that this conversation will be nerve-wracking and awkward, which it can be sometimes. So what's the best way to approach it?

Well, first of all, there is no "best way" to approach things like this. Every person is different and will have different thoughts on every subject compared to another. Despite your excitement to try something new, you must be prepared for any response. Sometimes before having this conversation it can be helpful to do some research on the new activity beforehand. For example, if you want to get into activities like impact play find out some good safety tips, or which tools are best and where it's safest to use them. On the flip side, if you want to approach your partner(s) before jumping into research, that's okay too! When you do talk with them, be open, without expectation, and accepting. Perhaps let them know you're up for researching together so you can both learn before deciding if it's something they're into and wanting to explore. Again, try to keep an open mind and be prepared that they may say "no".

So, what if your partner does say "no" to this new activity? What if it's something they won't even consider doing research on first? Sometimes, when people hear a "no", their next thought is, "how do I get my partner(s) to say yes?" The answer is pretty straightforward: You don't. If your partner(s) says no, that's it. Trying to "convince" someone to do something they don't want to do is coercion, and that's not acceptable. Your partner(s) have their mind, along with their own choices, and you should respect that. If this is something you feel you absolutely need to engage in, it might be time to rethink the relationship or how it can incorporate your sexual wants. Consider how important this activity is to you. If you and your partner(s) aren't on the same page about it, is that a dealbreaker for you? For some people, it is, and that is hard but totally okay. Everyone has different wants and needs, and that's completely normal.

Ultimately, there's no one-size-fits-all way to talk about a new or specific activity with your partner(s). You know them best, so the only way to really find out if they're interested is to talk about it. Respect whatever decision they make, whether they want to join in, decide not to, or need more time to think it over and do some research. Having a open and healthy conversation and going over the details can be a great start to trying out fun new things together.

We hope to help you and your partner(s) learn, grow, and enjoy together. Please submit your questions and we would love to be able to help answer them! Check back next month to see if others are wondering the same.

XOXO~Sasha